You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
