I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
