we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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