I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
