Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
