need another drink. this is the easiest way
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
