It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
