i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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