sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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