the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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