Pants 0. Shit 1.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
