FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
