i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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