i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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