apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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