my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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