I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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