wakey wakey hands off snakey
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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