I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
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I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
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Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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