No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize