i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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