Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
