Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
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St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
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A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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