Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
