i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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