Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
