He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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