guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My ATM looks so different sober.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
