Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
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He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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