Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
