I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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