Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
