It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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