Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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