my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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