Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
