I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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