she looked like the before picture.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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