so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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