remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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