So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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