he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
bring money and cleavage
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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