Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
