I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
