She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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