You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
