so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
