just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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