I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Randomize
