i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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