Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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