Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
