I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
