STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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