His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
