Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize