You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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