I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
