thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
