How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The air taste purple.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
