I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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