I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
