She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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