My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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