you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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