i would punch a child for taco bell
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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