he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
