K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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