My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
