Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
