I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
