I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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