After last night, I could never be a politician.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
