mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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