while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
